Archive for March, 2011

By now, I’m sure you’ve read a hundred blogs about Chris Brown showing his ass on Good Morning America on Tuesday. For those of you that don’t know, Breezy got pissy after being interviewed GMA’s Robin Roberts.  Roberts asked Brown about the lifting of the restraining order forbidding him from having direct contact with Rihanna, which apparently didn’t sit well with him. After his performance of his new single, Brown proceeded to act a fool: yelling and shattering a window before leaving the building Dennis Rodman-style with no shirt on his back and a huge chip on his shoulder.

My initial reaction? What the hell is Brown thinking? It is rare that a Black man does something the public deems as “unforgivable” actually gets a chance to redeem himself. A good appearance on GMA could go a long way towards repairing his image with people that may still be on the fence, and this is how he chooses to react? It was childish, immature and just plain stupid.

So when I got to work this morning, it wasn’t long before the subject came up in conversation.  The overwhelming majority opinion was that Roberts was in the wrong for the questions she asked and that Chris had every right to react the way he did.

“If people kept bringing up old stuff, you’d be mad too,” one of them said.

“He’s just a kid,” said another.  “He just didn’t know how to handle it.”

I would like to say I was shocked by their irrational defense of Brown’s actions, but perhaps I shouldn’t be. The majority of my coworkers are black females, many of them with children. Their willingness to make excuses for a grown man instead of holding him accountable for his actions is far to common this day and age.

In a traditional family setting, the mother provides the nurturing while the father provides structure and discipline while teaching things like accountability and responsibility. When their is no father, the mother has to fill both roles, which is no easy task. They’re often fighting against their own nature to try to give their children a solid foundation.

Sadly, young men like Brown are receiving all coddling and with little to no sense of accountability for their actions. As someone said on Twitter, “We raise our girls and love our boys.” Sadly, that is very true in the black community.

It starts early in life, when they throw temper tantrums with no true consequences. It continues in school when parents turn a blind eye to signs of aggression and misbehavior. And too often it continues when they come to the rescue to bail them out of jail. It is a vicious cycle that needs to stop.

Brown, like many of the young black men in our generation grew up without his father in his home and was raised by a mother who was involved in an abusive relationship. Unlike most young Black men who find themselves in sticky situations, Brown has been fortunate enough to receive a second chance. He should be careful not to count on a third chance.

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Let me preface this post by saying this: I love black women! My mother is one! If I ever get married, I’m certain my wife will be black. But I also love a good debate, which I is why I chose to kick off this new blog with the question above.

We can’t honestly have this discussion without stating the facts. For the past four hundred years, I can’t think of a single demographic, besides the Native Americans, that have had a more difficult burden to bare than Black Women. Stolen from their native land, forced to do back-breaking manual labor, raped by lusty slave owners and forced to care for his white children over their own. You name it, it happened. Throw in years of physical and mental abuse, chauvinism, and being forced to raise children on their own all too often and it is a wonder how Black women have gone on to achieve all that they have.

Because of such adverse circumstances, Black women have developed an independence and strength that most women can only dream of. It has been handed down to them from their female ancestors and is a big reason for their sucesses despite their difficulties. Year-after-year, black women graduate from the nation’s top universities and climb the corporate ladder in higher numbers than their male counterparts.

Simply put, Black women know “the secret” -women don’t need men to survive.  The problem is, many Black women do want a man, but their insistence on being over-independent may keep many of them from realizing that dream.

Men, in general, have fragile egos. While women may desire to be wanted, men crave being needed. It gives us a sense of purpose and security that comes through in everything we do. In my opinion, a real man wants to take the lead role in a relationship. The issue is, in many instances, Black women are unable to find the balance between maintaining their sense of self and allowing the male to take his natural role.  Not necessarily because she doesn’t want to, many times she doesn’t know how to.

Black women are more likely than other races to have grown up in a single-parent home, one without  a steady adult male influence. The matriarchal-system in which they are raised is great for developing ingenuity, perseverance and tenacity. However, it deprives both male and female children of healthy examples of romantic relationships, leaving them to learn those delicate dynamics on their own.

While young White females are being taught how to relate to men and when to pick and choose their battles, black girls are being indoctrinated in the “strong black woman” gospel. While White girls are taught about falling in love,  Black girls are taught that a good man is hard to find.  Is it any wonder why 45 percent of Black women have never been married compared to 23 percent of White women?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Black women, or any women, should sell themselves short to get a man. Just know that there may be a correlation between over-independence and being single.

Hello world!

Posted: March 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

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