Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

In my last post, I told you about a book I picked up called “Why Women Have Sex.” Today I’ll share some nuggets I found interesting from the book. The book looks at the sexual motivations of women from multiple angles, such as “What Turns Women On?” “The Thrill of Conquest” and “Barter And Trade.” Today, I’ll focus on the chapter titled “The Thing Called Love.”

*Intimacy + Passion + Commitment = Love
That’s the books formula for love. Intimacy is defined as the experience of warmth to another person related to feelings of closeness and connectedness. Passion is intense romantic feelings of sexual desire for another person. Commitment relates to decision making. No argument here.

* The book cited a study in which, when asked to describe acts that demonstrated love for their mate, only 8 percent of women referred to “having sex” as an act of love. Thirty 32 percent of men equated love with sexual acts. This was a surprise as most people would think women were more likely to align sex with love than men. It seems that men are more likely to see sex as a defining feature of love. I can believe that, simply because of the importance most men place on sex.

*In another study, there were no substantial differences between college-aged men and women regarding how often they had sex to form a stronger emotional bond with their partners.  I kinda feel like calling bullshit on this one, but we’ll move on.

*The authors categorized four main triggers for sex in women:
1. Explicit Erotic Cues: Reading sexy stories, talking dirty or sensing that her  body was aroused.
2. Status Cues: Seeing or talking with someone powerful or famous
3. Romantic Cues: Dancing closely, laughing together
4. Emotional bonding: Feelings of connectedness

The book has a lot to say about a chemical called oxytocin. This chemical, which is released during sex, increase feelings of trust and generosity. One scientist quoted in the book hypothesized that frequent release of the chemical through sex with the same partner can increase the connection a woman feels to that partner. According to this theory, a woman who continually sleeps with a man she is only mildly interested in may soon find herself feeling deeply attached emotionally simply through the repeated release of the chemical with that man. Suddenly “Mr. Aight” becomes “Mr. Can’t Live Without Him.”

Again, the thing I really like about this book is that it just doesn’t throw a bunch of studies and statistics at you and leave your head spinning. They also use real examples of real women (under the condition of anonymity).

There’s alot more just in this one chapter, but I don’t want to overload you guys with science-speak. Plus, if I give it all to you now, why would you come back later!



Why do women have sex?

Anyone who knows me off the internets knows that I love to read. It’s more like a compulsion than a hobby. It started when I was young, reading a from a 1970s-era volume of The Encyclopedia Brittanica at home during the summer (I can’t tell you how bummed out I am that they won’t be printing them anymore) and quickly morphed into me reading Slam Magazine when I was supposed to be paying attention in class during my free time at school.

So with that said, it should come as no surprise that one of my favorite places in the world is the library. I usually go at least twice a month, and generally pick up more books than I should. I’m the type of person that gets bored pretty easily, even if I like a book, so I tend to read three or four books at a time. Since I currently have two books I’m not ready to return, I limited myself to just two books tonight.

One of those books was “Why Women Have Sex.” Being a heterosexual man, it immediately caught my attention. The book takes a scientific and emotional look at the underlying sexual motivations of women using a series of professional studies and interviews with real women. The combination of candid responses and scientific evidence has made  for an interesting first chapter so far.

The first chapter deals with factors that contribute to sexual attraction. On the surface, it’s nothing too earth shattering. Women like tall men who smell pleasant, have masculine faces, deep voices and wide shoulders. But this is where the research fills in the gaps, adding analytical pieces about why women are physiologically resistant to men whose chemical balance closely resembles their own. Pretty heavy stuff.

As I continue to delve in the book, I’ll share my thoughts. But in the meantime, share yours with me. Ladies, why do you have sex? Be candid, there’s  no judgement on this blog. Speak up!